And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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