Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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