My liver just broke up with me...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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