sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize