After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
