Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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