I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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