I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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