I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
