So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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