Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
