so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize