Got a toothbrush?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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