there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize