question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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