Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
