Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
