you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize