Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
