i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
