The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
