dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
