I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
