doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
