Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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