were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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