And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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