Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
