I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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