So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You are the jesus of drinking
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
