benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
