your parents love me but you hate me
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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