i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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