Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
