omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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