oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Randomize
