what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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