so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
