i think my tv is drunk
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
