i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
