Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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