I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
