I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
