So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
my shit smells like andre
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
