I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
