Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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