Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
