This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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