new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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