Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
