The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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