I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
