Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
