Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize