Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
