dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
