Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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