I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
