You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
