Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
