The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
