Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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