My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
