i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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