When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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