we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
