Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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