On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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