i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
What a dumb baby whore.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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