Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
