I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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