remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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