Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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