she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
