You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
