Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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