dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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