You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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