We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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