I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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