I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
