After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
