SEEEEXXX PLEASE
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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