I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think your dad took our porno
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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