i permit you to call me
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
