Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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