Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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