i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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