i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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