8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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