i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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