I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
