I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
