Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
