I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
420 ftw
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
