All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
